Yeah, I'm Going to Talk About My Feelings..or Chicken

I've been thinking about 365 day periods. More commonly known as one year. It's amazing how much can happen in a year, or so people say. It's also amazing how much can not happen in a year, they say that too. That's the thing about years...and people...they can be the same or they can be different but, somehow, each one has some quality or characteristic that allows you to discern it from all the others.

My past 365 days, spanning (technically) two years, had some major highlights except that they were more the low variety of light, bringing into focus not so much positive aspects as much as negative ones. Though, you know, some people say that every lowlight brings a highlight. They say that. I don't. Maybe I've said this all before. But I'm saying it again. Why? I don't know, it's just what I do.

On May 24th of last year I survived a car crash with absolutely no injury...well I was super sore for about two weeks but, well, I didn't bleed profusely, break a bone or otherwise do myself true bodily harm. Regardless of the fact that I was in a car that flipped one and a half times while going 75 miles per hour. This should make me feel very lucky. It does make me feel very lucky. Or it makes me feel as if I have to say I feel very lucky. I don't want to be dead, so I guess I must then acknowledge the luck. God fearing people would go as far as saying I was blessed. In fact they have. I look back at the flipping and I have a few thoughts:

1) I didn't have any life-flashing-before-my-eyes revelations. I didn't emerge from the car and into the hands of EMT people thinking that I was going to change my life, live each day to the fullest etc.

2) The next big event of my life was the emotional equivalent of being in a car crash. I find this interesting, narratively speaking.

So this 365 period period of time started with a crash. Then there was the bang.

On June 1st my relationship of nearly 5 years ended. There was no yelling or malice. In fact it ended on the first but I stuck around for an extra seven days. Some of my friends wonder what on earth I was thinking in this aspect of the whole thing. But, you see, I didn't have a car so I couldn't just up and go and, frankly, when something you had high hopes for ends in a relatively surprising but peaceful way maybe it's not so bad to try to adjust right there where it all is. I think I may need more time to decide on this. It wasn't easy to be with the ebf and members of his extended family, knowing that it was over and knowing they didn't know...though I was certainly amazed by the fact that none of them seemed to notice. But perhaps that's because it was an adjustment phase. That or the family never particularly paid attention to me in the first place (not a very charitable assessment but eh).

I can say with authority that it's easier to live without a car than it is without a person you care deeply for and about. One brings more hassles but the other brings far more heartache. So, then, it's interesting that I have a new car but no new relationship. Or maybe it's not interesting. Nope, just another thing I've noticed. I mean you can't really compare a person to a car. You can but only in broad strokes. What a partner can bring to your life is infinitely deeper and more satisfying than what a car can give you...especially with gas prices being what they are. Though don't tell Duckie, Ambassador Face that I said that.

I'm losing my train of thought. Oh yes, I was thinking about years. A true highlight of my last 365 days could be spending so much time in Sewanee during summer. I love it there. I love summer and I love pretty. So that was good...except that I was kind of lonely and sad. But, you know what? Sometimes being lonely and sad in the summer in a pretty place still ends up being better than many other places/emotional states/seasons you might find yourself in. I think. I'm not entirely sure about that either.

Then there are the jobs. The ones I actually worked and the ones that came and went without actually existing. I realize now that I don't actually have any more to say right now. Let's call this post a brainstorming exercise, shall we?

Oh yes and I marinated chicken tenders on Saturday with a little garlic, soy sauce, ginger powder and lemongrass. Sauteed them with some green peppers and that was my dinner. It was pretty good. I finally made a proper trip to a grocery store (after much searching for an actual grocery store that isn't Whole Foods) on Friday and that really revolutionized my Philadelphia experience. Kind of. More on that later.