Self-Control

On Sunday I found myself desperately wanting to eat something I hadn't made myself. I found a sushi place that was relatively cheap and had a good yelp approval rating but, in the end, it was closed on Sundays. Then I looked at two different pizza type joints' menus trying to decide if I wanted a pizza or a hoagie kind of thing...and trying to convince myself that I wanted neither. In the end, as these photographs prove, I failed to convince myself that I wanted to make my own food. So I ordered an Italian hoagie type thing and fried mushrooms from City View. I ate this meal while watching a PBS special on Judy Garland...that woman was on pills, like, her whole life.
The mushrooms, to borrow a phrase, sucked balls. The sandwich/hoagie was massive in length (that's what she said) but had a high lettuce to everything else ratio. I liked the hot peppers though...they weren't all that great, I just like hot peppers...they were really banana peppers. Was the sandwich satisfying? Yes, it was. Was it anything special? No, it was not.

Speaking of self-control. Today I made an attempt not to smoke any cigarettes at all. This is somewhat an ongoing attempt except today was the first time I even really tried since the last time I really tried (which was last summer/fall...though when my father was in the hospital it was relatively easy to get down to 5 secret cigarettes a day). I got to 6:00 before I faltered/caved. In other words you know what I didn't do today at work? Smoke a single cigarette or have a proper lunch! Instead I ate a little over 1/4 cup of Flavor Tree honey roasted almonds (they're like crack only better because you never are tempted to kill anybody for them), half a roll of life savers, three pieces of gum (well I didn't eat the gum) and three or four cups of Earl Grey Tea.

One large problem is my lack of logic. I somehow feel like if I don't watch television (an addiction all its own) and read a book instead then it's okay for me to have a cigarette. Or that if I don't watch television and read a book it's okay that I haven't really walked anywhere other than work. When you have so many things you like that aren't particularly good for you then you find yourself playing them off of one another, illogically. Clearly it's better to watch television than smoke cigarettes. Clearly. Whatever. I don't want to talk about this any more.

I've been watching the true renter of my apartment's dvds of the third season of The Office and laughing a lot which is nice. Then yesterday I went to put in the fourth, and final, disc and tragedy! it was not there! It is missing! I have watched the fourth season, so it's not like I don't know the main story points but I've never seen the episodes that get you there and The Office is hardly about story, it's about laughs...and that I want to work in an office an have witty dialogue and prankster behavior with a tall dude named Jim.

Sigh. Another addiction.