Boys & Lists

So, my cousin K. and I were talking on the phone the other day about this, that, and the other thing. And, as often does, men (or boys, as I like to call them) came up. I have long been compiling a list of relatively broad traits I would hope to find in a future partner. But they're funny things, lists (and boys), because you need to be careful that you're not simply making a list of traits boys you have liked in the past embodied, as that would be totally counterproductive and self-defeating (you can't/won't/don't want to get that one person you had back, nor would you really want to chase after someone you never had in the first place again, if that makes sense). There are some exceptions, I would think; we cannot entirely avoid definite trends we all have when looking for and choosing mates, from aesthetics to interests, and to say 'well, no, I no longer will date anyone who likes cheese because X ate cheese' would be pointless, but on the flip side you can't really start finding yourself attracted to a completely different looking/acting person (I don't think I could fall in love with someone who thought poop jokes were funny, for example). Do you like how my first example is about food? Yeah.


My list these days is both very simple and clearly not simple at all:

1. He must like me. I must like him.
2. He must want to make out with me. I must want to make out with him.
3. He must be as smart as me (not saying that I'm a rocket scientist or anything but, you know), perhaps, actually, just a tad smarter ... but not in a way that makes me feel dumb all the time. This would, in part, mean that I wouldn't necessarily trounce him in Scrabble (people make all sorts of crazy jokes about couples and Scrabble, but I don't care) all the time, and that would be good.
4. He must be patient and kind.
5. He must be funny, to me, I don't really care if others think he's funny.
6. He must be capable of silliness.
7. He must enjoy lying in bed, for any number of reasons (sex, sleep and movie watching being the main ones). He also must not mind a little cat hair in the bed (I have been thinking about this a lot lately, Zul is a shedder and there is no way that he's not going to spend a portion of each day on my bed...not because I need him to, it's more like I would have to construct some kind of crazy cage around my bed to prevent him from doing so, though he does keep my feet warm at night...sooooo...).
8. He must find me utterly entertaining (this could fall under liking me, but I feel it is important enough to have its own number).
9. It would be highly preferable that he is taller than me and not morbidly obese.
10. Considering the fact that I like alcoholic beverages, it would probably be for the best if he did too.
11. Not being a vegetarian would probably also be for the best (I can't imagine not getting to cook for my man/going out to fancy steak/oyster/foie gras/whatever dinners).

And that is my list. In some ways I think it could be any number of people's lists, and that seems, on the whole, like the better option. Any more specificity, I think, would tip me into the too picky category of list maker. One's exact career, favorite band, dream vacation, preference for dogs or cats, well, that's the sort of thing that maybe you can find a compromise with. Politics and religion? Well, I guess I consider it a given that any person who liked me, wanted to make out with me, and found me utterly entertaining would naturally share the same belief system as me (or would have a belief system that could happily coexist with my own). Perhaps that's not something to take for granted, but no girl really wants a list of qualities a boy should have longer than 11, because more than 11 is crazy, while less than 11 is entirely sensible. Astute even. Okay. Not astute.

What's on your list? You know you have one. Unless you don't, which would make me feel really crazy for having one...so if you don't have a list, keep it to yourself. I accidentally uploaded this photograph that K. took last May and I'm keeping it on this post even though it has nothing to do with lists or boys. I don't know why. Mainly because it's my blog, and I can do whatever I want.