A Letter To Oprah

Dear Oprah,
I write to you because I have found myself overwhelmed by piles of my own stuff. Every day I wake up and try to make these piles go away. But they don't. They never go away. They simply get re-shuffled into smaller or larger piles. Occasionally I recycle some of the envelopes but never enough to make a dent in the sheer mass of these piles. I am not a hoarder, Oprah, no indeed. I simply don't know what to do with bank statements, credit card bills, student loan correspondence, credit card offers, health insurance forms. One of my biggest concerns is throwing away something that will end up mattering. But hardly ever does it seem that any of these piles lead to mattering.
I also have piles of clothes that need ironing. I have a mini-ironing board but it's frustrating to use. So what ends up happening is that the freshly cleaned, but wrinkled clothes, stay in a pile. I keep them in a pile because I think eventually that will spur me into ironing. But it just leads me to not wear certain items of clothing for long stretches of time. Another thought about paperwork. Oprah, I have a file cabinet and it's stuffed. It's stuffed rather indiscriminately. Once a year I try to make sense of the files but then it never stays sensical for very long.

I have plenty of space to put things. Or enough space. I simply, at this point, don't know how/want someone else to do it for me. Oprah, wouldn't it be great if one of your legions of staff members came to my house and figured out how to organize my life? Yes. Yes it would be great. It would be wonderful. It would be fantastic! I promise that if they organized everything and put big clear labels as to where everything goes (and a big piece of paper with specific directions), I would stick to it. I would. Seriously.
Thanks Oprah...I live in Chicago so this isn't too much to ask, I don't think.